someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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