You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
