just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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