I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
