Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
