i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
