then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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