He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
