You're so nebulous sometimes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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