Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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