I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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