I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
