at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
