Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
