Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
