A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
