im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
