you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?