Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.