You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.