just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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