SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire