There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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