Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
