I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
