Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
