I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
