I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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