I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs