it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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