butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
time to smoke my breakfast
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
