my mouth tastes like poor choices
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
