hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
