You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
