eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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