I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
