epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
