Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
In America we eat man semen.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
