your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
