so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
