You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Define "chronic" masturbator.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
