I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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