Don't you send me to vm
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
