Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
