the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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