I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
