Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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