He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
