I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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