Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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