no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I could fuck to npr.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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