So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't deserve a penis
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
