I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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