Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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