If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize