kristin has been a bad kristin
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
