Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
