i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize