moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
