Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
