I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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