the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
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By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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