Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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