Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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