I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
