So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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