well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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