there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
