spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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