I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
