so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
