We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
