I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you mean i was at the winter classic?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
