it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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