Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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