i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
