friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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