You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
