I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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