Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
