I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
nutella sex= disaster
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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