put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
