it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
