): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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