guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
not ubering you a puppy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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